Woowoo! It’s done. A slightly shorter version will be submitted to Channel101 but here is the for-the-internet version. Enjoy!
Tag Archives: comedy
My Homage to Ze
I wrote about Ze recently. Here’s my attempt at what he does FIVE DAYS A WEEK. I started at 8:00pm with about 25% of the material written or created. I just uploaded it to youtube so you do that math.
I loved Ze to begin with, but the fact that he can crank these out in a few hours every day is amazing.
I’m very proud of my song. It’s the first one I’ve ever written and created.
Back when I was funny
A year ago on IMKH, I was funny. Listen, laugh and don’t miss the video at the end…
Surely you’ve seen at least one Police Academy movie. If so, then no doubt you remember Cadet Larvell Jones (Michael Winslow). This was the dude that made the really cool sound efx. He could mimic any sound with his mouth/voice/etc. And because of him, I was inspired to develop this skill.
Yes, for the first time ever, I will demonstrate what has taken me years of practice to learn. You may think it’s easy to make the sound of a door creaking open but to do it so that the public can not tell the difference between the real thing and the sound effect is a highly sought after skill that only a few are fortunate enough to master.
I am one of those few. It has taken me since childhood to perfect some of these effects. I hope you will appreciate the supreme skill involved in producing these sounds.
I think you will be amazed. Enjoy.
(Ed. note: You may need to turn your volume way up to hear worth anything. Or way down.)
I’ll start with a simple one. A train.
Wow
Next is a ketchup bottle.
Golly gee
Oh man, you know you hate the squeaky chalk.
Everyone’s favorite: the tugboat foghorn.
Simply stunning
Let’s not forget the magnificent horse.
Amazing
The spine-tingling roar of a concert crowd.
Ground shaking
Here’s a string of supertastic sounds:
Big rig slamming on brakes
A trumpeting elephant
The air slowly let out of a balloon
Ho-ly crap
How about a bear?
Scrumtrulescent
At this point, I know you’re saying There’s no way anybody could make sounds that realistic and amazing. I know, I understand your incredulousness but check it out, I have proof . The last one is a video of me doing some bird calls. 2.7MB, Quicktime format.
Close your eyes and it’s like you’re sitting in the woods surrounded by our singing winged friends, eh? I hope you heard your favorite bird in that medley.
Well there you have it. I’m looking into getting some work doing voice sound efx. I’ve got a call in with Garrison Keillor of Prairie Home Companion. They could totally use my skills over there.
I just wet myself
Richard Simmons on Whose Line Is It Anyway?
One more…
I’ve got another one to add to the list of things that mean you are an old man.
When you are driving around and you see a really nice house and everyone in the car says “oooo aaah look at that house.” And everyone is duly impressed with the architecture and the square footage and the lawn and the small mexican children pulling weeds.
Then the old man in the car says “Yeah, but I wouldn’t want to pay the property taxes on THAT.”
How I Know Owen McGuire
I don’t know how funny this will be unless you are familiar with facebook.
This is a straight reading.
Friend details (mp3)
It’s possible that I didn’t have much to do tonight.
Talking is hard
The English language is hard. It’s fairly difficult for even me and it’s the only language that I know. I can’t imagine someone coming here and not speaking the language and having to learn it. It must be really frustrating.
I mean, for example: their or there or they’re. Take a left at the next light. He left after the concert. Don’t forget: to, two and too. And don’t get me started on english idioms. The only rule is there are always exceptions to the rule.
And what about freaking contractions? After someone has learned the basics of the english language and they’ve learned ‘i before e except after c and when in neighbor and weigh’ and all that other crap, we throw contractions at ’em. “Hey, as if your brains aren’t scrambled enough already, check this shit out.”
You know what? I bet they pick it up pretty quick, because contractions really aren’t all that hard. Would + not = wouldn’t. See? Just replace the missing letters with one of these ‘ and you’re all set.
But.
We can’t stop there, no sir. We got to make it even harder on people learning our language. As I said, there are always exceptions to the rule and contractions are no different.
Teacher: Class, please substitute a contraction in this sentence: “I will not be able to attend class today.”
Pedro: I willn’t be able to attend class today.
Teach: I’m sorry Pedro, that is incorrect. It should be “won’t.” I won’t be able to attend class today.
Pedro: ¡Qué lío!
What?! Why why why? Come on, it’s not even a real contraction: wo + not = won’t? THERE IS NOTHING WRONG WITH WILLN’T.
I say we start a contraction revolution. We got to help these immigrants out. Sure, they’re taking our jobs and costing us, the taxpayers, billions of dollars, but the injustice must stop here! Now!
Pledge with me to stop using silly contractions like “won’t.” Do it for the good of english. Do it for the good of common decency. Do it for the good of America!
I WILLN’T USE WON’T ANYMORE
Chuck Norris Facts
Surely, you’ve seen or heard about Chuck Norris Facts. Some of them are really funny, others… not so much.
You know it’s happened to you
Comedy Challenge
There has been a lack of original comedy content for Rufus-only-knows how long on this site. I’d like to say it’s because I’m busy preparing karyhead.com 1.0. Well that’s true, but there’s been a lack of good content here for ages.
So.
This post has little to do with that. But it got me thinking. I know some of my local fellows in comedy read this crap.
So. Here’s what I’m proposing.
We take a suggesion on a subject from the blog audience, ala improv, then write up some stand up material and go to Dave’s Darkhorse next Monday night at open mic night and deliver it. Let the audience decide which one they like best. Winner buys the others a round at the bar. Or something.
So, we take suggestions via comments. Decide on a topic. Write funny (hopefully) original material, go to Dave’s next Monday night and kill. Audience decides who wins.
Yes, this scares the bejeebus out of me. That’s why it’s fun and exciting. Matt and Houston have done it. It can be done. They should join in the challenge.
Who accepts my challenge?