Well. Second night. Night and day for me. Night and day.

Just a few hours after writing the previous entry I went on as Dennis Sanders and IT WAS SO AWESOME. Now, I’m not saying I owned the stage or anything like that. What I’m saying is that as soon as we got on stage, it just felt right.

I didn’t feel like I was generating external appearances to reflect the inner character. I was Dennis and whatever I did was right. I couldn’t make a wrong choice because I was Dennis.

Not that I didn’t stay in the moment and in character 100% of the time but it was such a different feeling than last night and it was great. A real breakthrough, I think.

I don’t know how it came across to the audience but it had to be better than last night. I don’t know why it was different, maybe writing the previous post was cathartic in a way. It just felt so much more comfortable.

Woo.

Well I hope every performance is this way. We don’t go again until a rehearsal on Monday and a performance on Wednesday.

was last night. Overall the show went really well. The audience laughed the whole way through and we received a standing ovation at the end. There were a few bumps along the way but nothing major. We had to get used to waiting for laughter before continuing dialogue and other things like that.

I’m continually amazed at the talent that I’m surrounded by on stage. Everyone has years and in some cases decades of stage and acting experience. Some are trained professionals and some have been active at SCT for over 20 years. They seem to totally own the characters and are just great to watch.

And then there’s me. I stepped on the stage for the first time a little over half a year ago. I’m really happy to have had all the opportunities that I’ve had in that short time. I’ve gotten a good bit of stage experience and learned a lot from my teachers (one is also a cast mate). But I feel like I’m struggling to keep up with the rest of the cast.

Now I’m sure they would all tell you that I’m doing great and I’m silly to feel this way ’cause they’re nice, supportive people and I appreciate all their support. I know I have some natural ability and talent or else I wouldn’t have been cast. But, you see, everything I do and have done in the world of theatre and acting is new, unchartered territory for me. I don’t know how I should feel about my connection to my character at this point. I don’t know how it feels to be completely connected to a part; maybe I’ve been there before but I’m not sure.

It’s weird, but my last show I played a grave robber and I had a hard time during rehearsals finding that character. The closer to the opening of the show, the more confident I became until I felt pretty good about it. In this show, I felt a closer connection to the character starting off but as we’ve gone along, I’ve become less confident on the monologue (the main portion of my speaking in the show is a monologue).

For the other actors out there, does being confident in your choices that they are the right choices become easier? Does it just come with experience and training? I understand that sometimes you can connect with a character quickly and easily and other times not so much. But do you ever get to the point when you can consistently say “I’ve got this nailed?”

With all that said, the director has been great and has let me play with different options and given me feedback on what she thinks. I appreciate her support, I just hate not being able to say “This is the best I can do.”

Ok, that’s my self-conscious rambling for today. I’m generally a self confident person, but this has been on my mind.