Back to the gym today. Had a killer upperbody workout. You know it was a good workout when it’s difficult to wash yourself in the shower afterwards.

I mentioned a few weeks ago that I was working it hard to lose some weight. I went for all of four and half days before I gave out. I was attempting to do a restrictive, very-low-carb diet so I could get results quicker. It was a bad idea as I wasn’t ready for that level of commitment. So the next few weeks was back to being lazy and eating bad. *sigh*

I am king of the yo-yoers it would seem. I really really really want to get back to where I was this summer, mentally I mean. Getting up early to work out and eating right wasn’t a big deal. I just did it.

See, I think the difference is that I had a beach trip with some high school/college buddies. That pushed me to stick to it. After the trip, I couldn’t get motivated for more than a week at a time (if that). Just wanting to look good isn’t enough. The frustration of not being able to wear the clothes I bought over the summer isn’t enough. Wanting to prove to myself that I do, in fact, have abs isn’t enough. It seems that a looming dealine that could cause me personal embarrassment is what I need to succeed.

Now some people aren’t all that self conscious about their flabbage. I know you’ve seen the girls who have NO business wearing a short shirt that shows their belly if they even look up. Or the guys that really need to just go ahead and buy a new pair of pants THAT FIT instead of pretending that they can still wear those size 34 jeans that they’ve stretched out to about a 36.7. Well, I’m self conscious about it. I own pants ranging from size 32 to 38. Last summer I was a 32/34, now I’m a 36/38.

I can lost weight pretty fast, but I can also put it on at an alarming rate. I really just want to find a lifestyle that doesn’t feel like I’m on a diet or a plan.

Anyway, I could ramble on and on about the different plans and diets and weight lost and re-gained over the years. I won’t. Suffice it to say I’m really determined to get in those gray Kenneth Cole pants that I love but can’t wear right now.